“Two Become One” By Peter Catlin

An original song written and performed by Peter Catlin for my son Stewart and his wife, Karen, on the occasion of their marriage this past Sunday.

 

TWO BECOME ONE
a wedding ballad by Peter Catlin

We are gathered together to witness the union
Of Stewart Martin and Karen Singerman
If anyone here knows a reason why these two should not
Be joined
Into one, then speak now, or forever hold your peace

Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats,
And observe on the flat panel screen,
Our test subjects lie, unconscious, strapped into
My Mixotransmorphic Machine

The subjects are moaning, which shows that the sedative
Is starting to slowly wear off
At this point you may find it helpful to imagine
The subjects are here of their own free will (of course they are!)

Now Karen and Stewart are close, as you know,
But soon they will be even more so,
Two heads! Four arms!
All on one monstrous torso…

We are gathered together to witness the union
Of Stewart Martin and Karen Singerman
If anyone here knows a reason why these two should not
Be joined into one
Hideous monstrosity, then speak now, or forever hold your peace

Some do it for love, some do it for money
Today we do it for science!
They mocked me, they laughed at me, said I was mad (mad, I tell you!)
Now behold my ultimate defiance…

(spoken) Scientific progress goes…. BOINK!!!

Behold my creation! The transfiguration
Leaves you aghast, and transfixed
Now please don’t be frettin’, though they look like an ettin
Their challenge rating is much less than six

We are gathered together to witness the union
Of Stewart Martin and Karen Singerman
If anyone here knows a reason why these two should not
Be joined into one
Grotesque freak of nature, then speak now, or forever hold your peace

It’s double the fun,
Two hearts beat as one,
In this creature that we will call…
Stewen!
Or Karart!

Song copyright Peter Catlin 2009

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